chapter one

 

"'I've decided to have Josh removed from the records'' I announced.

''are you giving up the search?'' my friend, who worked at the state vital records office, hesitantly asked.

I looked up at Josh Erikson, who was leaning close to whisper something in Monique Jones ear. My voice was all choked up. ''I can't find him.''

what was the point of finding someone who wanted to stay lost?

after hanging up, I turned and returned to my private room.

 

When my best friend, Melissa Caldwell, noticed my grim expression, she shoved a drink into my hand. ''Josh's been missing for three months, Nika. Chances of him being alive are close to zero, so you have to move on.''

I stared at the brightly coloured liquid in the glass, tipped my head back, and drained everything in one go.

the burn immediately brought tears to my eyes. I blinked hard, swallowed the heartache, and softly asked, ''would someone ever fake their disappearance just to lie to their wife?''

Melissa shot me a look of pity and rage. ''what kind of nonsense is that? anyone who does that is a monster who might as well be dead.''

wiping my tears, I picked up my bag from the couch. ''you're right. its time I let Josh go.''

then I left and returned home. the apartment was as silent as ever. for the past three months, id dreaded the silence.

every night I came back, id turn on all the lights, brew a cup of black tea Josh always drank, and set it on the coffee table to pretend he that he was still there.

I couldn't understand. if he didn't want to live with me anymore, he could have just asked for a divorce. why would he stage a skiing accident and disappear?

I sank onto the couch and picked up the collectible mini figures of us that sat on the table. Josh had once leaned against me and smiled as he pointed at them.

""when I'm not around, they can keep you company instead""

his past words overlapped with his irritated voice from the bar. ''Nika used to be gentle and lovey. I'm not sure why, after we got married, she became so clingy. Faking my death will teach her a lesson, so maybe shell learn not to stick to me as much.''

beside him, Monique topped off his drink. ''I'm the better friend , aren't I? we've been buddies for years, and I've never clung to you.''

"'yeah. you're my best buddy,'' he said. though they talked like best friends and siblings, their legs were tangled beneath the table. 

The thought of the scene made my stomach churn. I tossed the mini figures into the trash before picking up my phone to mass text.

''Josh Erikson passed away in an accident three months ago. A farewell ceremony will be held in one week.''

Almost immediately, his so called buddies bombarded me with angry questions. 

''How can you hold a funeral when we haven't found Josh?''

''Have you lost your mind, Nika? Josh isn't dead!''

""if Josh comes back and sees his funeral, he'll be furious! think about it, do you have the guts to make him mad?'' 

 

chapter two